Coping With Job Loss

A Tough Topic

Nothing comes across faster than bitterness about your present situation, skepticism about others, or anger towards your previous employer.  If you're not sure if this is the case, ask a couple of your friends.  Tell them to be honest. It may be hard to hear, but at least, now you know what to concentrate on.  Take classes, work with a counselor, join a support group.  When you are enthusiastic about yourself and your abilities again and about the jobs for which you are applying, you are ready to proceed in your search.

Whatever happened to you at your last job, it was a learning experience.  Employers look for this attitude.  They want to know that you can handle difficult situations, that you can learn from mistakes, that you can grow.  (Well, most do!)

It is normal to experience feelings of grief, denial, anxiety, shock, fear, anger, frustration, confusion, stress and avoidance upon the loss of a job.  This is part of the grief cycle which we go through after any major loss in our lives.

Loss of a job is one of the most difficult experiences we can go through in life, along with divorce, a major move, or the death of a loved one.  It is in its own way a type of death, the death of a part of our identity.  Learning to cope with job loss is in part a matter of allowing ourselves to go through this process, rather than trying to be in control at all times.

At some point, we WILL find ourselves growing out of the loss, and into a new approach, beginning to experience creativity, skepticism, acceptance, impatience, hope, energy and enthusiasm.

Warning:  you will probably go through this entire cycle more than once during the time you are unemployed, so be prepared.

It will seem as if you have covered the same ground before. You have, and each time you learn something new to add to life's tool bag. The challenges will keep occurring, it's how you deal with them that counts.

" Life is like a spiral staircase, you cover the same ground, but on a different level".

Some suggestions to help reduce the stress

Establish a support system.  Family, friends, support groups, this is when you need them the most.  The temptation will be to close yourself off, to shut down, to not communicate.  After all, how can they understand you?  Why bother?  What's the use?  You don't feel like you can be good company, right now.  When you find yourself thinking this way, call up your friends, go to a support group, find a counselor who will listen.  Ask for help, and you'll be surprised at the response.  When others offer to help, let them.

If you don't already have a support system, create one.  Join a support group.  Experience Unlimited offers both success teams made up of job seekers assisting each other in their search, and counseling support groups.

Many of us grew up believing that "it is more blessed to give than to receive".  We forget that if no one receives, no one will be able to give.  When you allow your friends to reach out to you and assist you, when you accept a compliment, when you graciously receive, you are giving someone else the gift of giving to you.

Find a supportive counselor.  Whether that is a conventional psychologist or an alternative health practitioner, is not important, What is important is that they are able to listen with compassion and help guide you in setting new goals for yourself.  Sometimes it is easier to speak with an objective outsider than an intimate friend about what you are going through.

If money is a concern, look for schools which train counselors.  They often provide counseling services for a sliding fee scale based on income.  There are also counseling support services provided through many job networking groups, churches, and some local governments.

Exercise and eat healthfully.  The stress of job loss can lower your immune system, bring on digestive problems, sleeplessness, and weight gain or loss.  Continuing to exercise or starting an exercise program will help you to combat depression, control your weight, increase your energy, improve your sleep, and handle stress with less side effects.  It's also a healthy way to work through the feelings of anger, frustration or fear which can occur as part of job loss.

Eating healthfully goes without saying.  Of course, you may need an occasional comfort food binge.  As long as it is occasional.  You may skip a meal occasionally.  As long as it is occasional.  If the stress brings on food cravings, you might try adding supplements to your diet rather than indulging the cravings day after day.  ( Great books for re-balancing your body chemistry are Julia Ross's, The Mood Cure or The Diet Cure).

Avoid using ANY substance, food, alcohol or drugs, to mask the symptoms of stress.  In the long run, you will create more stress for yourself, rather than less.

Rest and sleep.  If you find you are sleeping more often than in the past, you may be experiencing depression.  Find a counselor, start an exercise program, change your diet, take up a relaxing, calming hobby such as yoga. If you find yourself sleeping less, stress, anxiety and fear may be interfering.  Again, try some of the options above.

Write it down.  Sit down with a piece of paper (or two or three) and write out everything going through your head.  Try to keep the pen connected to the paper until you are through. This technique is widely used in goal-setting and various types of therapy. Writing things down allows a chance to vent.  It also allows us to get everything out of our heads so that we have the chance to think things through.

Add some structure to your life.  Establishing a regular routine will assist you in making it through the blah times.  Organize your job search, update your skills by taking classes, meet a friend for lunch each day, spend the morning job searching and the afternoon gardening, join community groups, volunteer.  In other words, make commitments to yourself and to others that you are held accountable for and which require you to schedule your time.

Having unstructured time is important as well, but rather than allowing ALL of your time to become unstructured, build blocks of unstructured time into your schedule.  This way, it will be more difficult to spend an entire week (or two!) reading, puttering around the house, or watching television.

Enjoy life. The job search can be time-consuming. Build in time in your schedule to enjoy yourself.  Look at it this way, now you finally have the time to take a class, do some gardening, go to a movie, take walks, spend time with your family - all of the things you were too busy to do when you were working.

File for unemployment right away.  The payments are effective from the date of filing, not from the date of unemployment.

Budget.  Sit down and write out all of your expenses and all of your income.  What assets do you have?  List everything from your penny jar to your 401K.

Where can you trim the edges?  Canceling the television cable could save $20-$70/month.  Changing your online service from cable to an ISP could save $20-$40/month.  Canceling your long-distance carrier and using a phone card instead could save $30 - $40/month.  Switching from Target to the Dollar Store could save $50/month on toiletries and sundries.  Are these changes worthwhile for you?

What's negotiable for you?  It may not be worth it to cancel your gym membership - after all, you need SOME place to work through the emotions and frustrations which will inevitably arise.  However, canceling your television cable may encourage you to engage in other activities which will keep your mind off your financial situation.  Volunteer, check out the library, join a social group, sign up for a class.

Check out the offerings of local dollar, discount and thrift stores.  You have the time now, look at this as an adventure exploring new territory.

Consider checking out books and videos from the library rather than purchasing them.  Cancel your automatic payments at the bank and set up either online bill pay or a calendar schedule for monthly check payment so that you don't get caught with overdraft fees when the unemployment check doesn't arrive on time.  Contact your creditors and work out payment arrangements with them at reduced fees (Some will and some won't, but at least, call to find out).  Do all of this at the BEGINNING of your unemployment period, if possible.

The average job search in a normal economy can take nine months to a year.  In the high-tech slump, many are finding themselves unemployed after 1-2 years.  If you have contingency plans, it will reduce some of the stress.

Do you have 401Ks can you cash in as a last resort?  Can you work part-time somewhere or do contract work for your previous employer?  One-Stop Career Centers  provide information on a variety of programs for the unemployed as well as job search counselor and classes.  Note that county assistance is usually not available until you have exhausted ALL of your other resources, including your 401Ks.  However, there are other programs out there, so go out and investigate.

Be aware of the symptoms of depression:  retreat, withdrawal, persistent sadness, anxiety or feelings of emptiness, hopelessness, pessimism, feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness, insomnia, persistent fatigue, energy loss, restlessness, irritability, feeling frantic and confused, loss of appetite and weight loss, an increase in emotional eating and weight gain, loss of interest in usual activities especially hobbies, a rise ion health problems, persistent headaches, stomach upsets, difficulty on concentrating or making decisions, maniac-depressive behavior and extreme mood-swings.

Wow, I've had all of these symptoms at some point in my lifetime.  Yes, but how often have you had several of these symptoms all at the same time?  That's depression.  Depression can last for a day, a week, a month, a year, many years.  When you see these symptoms in yourself or someone you love, it's time to consult an outside counselor and seek additional help and support, especially if it lasts for more than a week or two.  We are not alone, there are others in the same situation.  To admit to depression is not to admit to failure, but rather to acknowledge the need for support.  You have helped others, now, let someone help you.

Motivating Yourself

When you start feeling your energy flagging, and your enthusiasm dimming in the job search process, try

 

	doing something you've seldom or never done before
	asking a friend to keep you accountable for reaching your daily goals
	going out to a funny movie or renting one (laughter truly is a medicine)
	allowing yourself to take a break from your job search and spend some time doing something you enjoy

Forcing yourself to break out of a set routine and/or to set a new routine can help you to shift your perspective.

Taking steps to deal with your job search related fears is important, as these are what will hold you back from going forward.

You'll find that once your budget is done, your goals are set and a daily routine is established, it will be easier to motivate yourself.